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Insanity

Alone, in my hotel room
at 3AM,
unable to remember who I am
or unwilling to.
Waking up with my dreams shattered
by my consciousness
in a life with nothing but nothingness
I tried, I tried, I tried, I'm tired.

But on the table, as the last breath of warmth,
the slightest bit of my soul's hope
sitting there pleasantly bright
a little shiny candle with golden light.

I took it up and as it was
weakly enlightening my room
I entered the dark bathroom
with its devilish mirror
and as the spiders were leaving through the door
I was contemplating my flaws…
Ugly, hideous, disgusting monster
who is this twisted figure I wonder?
Is it me,
how could that be?

Being tired of my own self,
with a torn apart mental health
as my room was coming down
like an old building in a deserted town
breaking down
I had nothing but a pleasantly bright
little shiny candle with golden light.

As the door knob was used to open the door room
a dark figure stood by
and I knew in that night
back in the Earth I shall lie.
It wore a black cloak
and had a bony hand,
to him it called me and to resist
I could not comprehend.
I felt its power, I felt its might
and all I had with me was a pleasantly bright
little shiny candle with golden light.

It told me to look at the hotel’s hallway
a vast labyrinth, where I couldn’t find the way,
full of disappointed faces
and empty spaces
spaces of my heart
and the people,
the ones in my life.
Right there it stood, a demonic dove,
the very image of a person I once loved.
And the only thing I had with me was a pleasantly bright
little shiny candle with golden light.

Hope was no more,
the world I lived in
was a dreadful bore.
And as the dark figure whispered in my ear
to not wait for the following year,
I started walking towards the old elevator.
To the dungeon, it will lead
where I would put an end to this,
and as all the strength in my body would go away
because in life I could not find my way,
the only thing I had was a pleasantly bright
little shiny candle with golden light.

As I’m closing to the end
as my own self would commend
I can hear the echoes of distances voices
Telling me to stand.
As I'm descending more and more
into the dungeon of my own soul
the elevator is so noisy
as the spirit of a damaged human being
as the last scream of despair
unable to wake from the nightmare.
Then, this question I rose:
What is my goal? What is my purpose?
And while I got off the elevator,
approaching the end of terror,
the only thing I had with me, was a pleasantly bright
little shiny candle with golden light.

Among the spider webs
and remnants of the dead
I was awaiting the sweet end.
And as I was walking among the mice
tired of all my failed tries
all I could see was images
of my failures that I had to acknowledge twice.
But as the dark figure was coming to me,
with a coffin, in it, invited me.
And the only thing I had was a pleasantly bright
Little shiny candle with golden light…
But now it’s blown away,
as my last protector
and my last hope,
the fight is lost, the resistence is gone.
And as I willingly lay down in the coffin
I screamed my last words:

Oh, death, with the sweet flavour of black
Take me, because joy here, I lack,
Tear me apart
Every single part.
Steal me like you steal others in the night
To let me endure this, it is not right
My existence has no light
To the other realm I take the flight.
Shatter me like a thunder in the rain
And take away the pain…
But don't put me through this life again!

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